Despair

What more is there to be mislaid?
i lie on the bed, thinking , pondering
How much can a guileless heart bear?
How much has it borne?
An adour of hope Like a cold sun on Pluto
Far and seemingly inadequate.
Carl up in the corner, Tears laced in silver blood
Echo the pains unfold In a tantalizing vacuum.
Thus I hear them, souls of the so righteous.
‘Wretched demon!’ ‘Cursed whore!’
‘Blemished witch!’ ‘Flawed bitch’
Brassier and brassier, reaping at my soul.
Stabbing away with flesh daggers,
Bounding, gashing, stomping, and condemning a mortal soul.
Pain as actual as my fast breath.
My  voice muzzled by loud tears.
Vision blinded by the lucid depictions
The moment presents herself, temptation,
Most cruel maiden.
Stop it! The voices, the stares, the words…
Stop them all.
Sweet unkind maiden, why come to me now?
Her knife twisted through me lungs.
‘Give me your hand, let me stop this for you.’
Looks down on me with but pity in her eyes.
I kiss her feet, my head bent to her. Take both.
How much can they carry anyway? Unburden me my  dear.
Tears fall again, light so bright, sounds so projected.
Like silver blades through my skin.
‘Wretched child’ ‘Curse bustard’
‘Blemished soul’ ‘Flawed fool’
Sting so agonizing.
Reasons and causes fill my mind.
Damn this harsh life! Damn this spitted breath!
Help me now. Don’t delay a second longer.
She lifts me up, eyes absorbing the little life left.
‘You are not mine to take.’
The words screamed in my mind.
Rotating everything in the loud vacuum.

Submerged in the blood in my tears.
Save me! Save me! Heart throbs, muscles tauten.
It fills my lungs. ‘you wanted peace? Have it’
I scuffle to swim to the air. They are pulling.
I stop to look at the sky from beneath,
And there they were waving, tickled.
Their images blur and blur and blur and vanish.
They are no longer pulling.
I feel naught. Numb. Dead.
With a beating heart and air in my chest,
But dead all the same.
This is better.
A departed soul is much better.